Easier 2 Relax: Why I Kept It Natural. Story of my 5 Un-Relaxed Princesses

Updated: Oct 3, 2020

Growing up with Saturday evenings being the pivotal point of the week for two reasons: 1). Sunday morning was church and you needed to look "Presentable for the Lord", and 2). Monday was school and you needed to look "Well Kept". What this usually meant in my community was that you were going to be sitting still for that hot comb "ouch" or you had already had a relaxer and needed some grease, partings, rubber bands and several ponytails adorned with bows, barrettes, or beads. This was life, and I was accustomed to both. Not to mention the "S" or "Jheri" curl, but that's a whole other post!

Anyhow, even tho the hot comb was probably your "stillest" moments as a child, and for good cause ("OUCH"), the relaxer session was memorable for way more than just the sleek, shiny, flowing styles it helped create.

See, before I dive right in, I must say as a Cosmetologist I have no issues with a relaxer being done the right way, and that is generally at the hands of a licensed professional that is skilled and ethical in delivery of this CHEMICAL service.

Back to the " Flashback". The relaxer process as a child was imprinted in my head... Literally! There are generally 3 phases to the "At Home Relaxer" process for kids and adults alike. Those phases are as followed: 1). I'm good, I'm excited! 2). Ummm, its getting hot, is this supposed to feel like this? 3). If hell is anything like this, I definitely do NOT want to go! My head is about to explode! Yup, and in that 3rd phase the administer is usually saying, "just a few more minutes, its almost done" or "just a little bit straighter". Then finally comes the rinse out and this takes some patience and depending how much "Sizzle", it would also take some delicate hands. It takes about 3-4 shampoos to make certain the relaxer is neutralized fully, stopping the relaxer process. This step unfortunately is taken for granted, especially on the nape and sides of the hair, causing breakage and dryness (at the very least). The next few days will be followed by a red scalp, in which some areas the hair is stuck to your scalp, then there are scabs that you just cant stop picking, and the hair is pretty dry, so you need a palm full of grease... but you cannot deny that that hair is Slick for the Styling Slay.

Now, fast-forward several years and 5 daughters later. My oldest daughter being 16 and my youngest daughter 8, the question is always "Why I chose not to relax?" Wouldn't it have been easier to relax? Well, given the story above, you probably have some what of an understanding as to WHY, but that's definitely not the whole reasoning.

Personally, I wanted my Princesses to enjoy the beauty and versatility in their kinky curly~ness. I did not want to mess with their beautiful hair patterns, possibly alter their scalps, (because I wasn't always a cosmetologist), and put them and myself through this process and the struggle of maintaining relaxed hair. When they can learn from jump to become skilled in their natural texture. There is always an option of silk press to change it up at times, which they do like sometime, but they let me know when they are ready to "Release the Curls". Plus, we do not keep totally away from the chemicals. Once they reach 12 if they would like a few streaks of color, I am happy to do it, and happy to practice the latest techniques. Stylist Life. I make them responsible for shampoo, conditioning, and detangling their hair in preparation for styling, and on some days I am not available to style, they got it! "She Wins".

So, there you have it. There is "No Hate or Shade" against anyone who decides to get a relaxer. I do believe that women of color should be relaxer free at some point in their lives to explore their hair in it's natural glory. I definitely adore seeing my girls with their puffs and afro's and if they decide once they are grown, to relax their hair, they will be well informed on the pros, and cons, do and don'ts, and the right products like Consawella's Crown Luxury Hair Care to maintain their Crowns either way. Above all else, I Love The Fact that they will never be able to say(like some of my clients share with me) that "My mom messed up my head/hair with that relaxer when I was a kid"!


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